AUSTIN-IN TEXAS BUT NOT OF TEXAS

Austin is a superb city. We should know, we went there over Labor day. For those of you who might be inclined to think that the capitol of Texas is just another cow-town chocked full of spurs and confederate flags, you need to think again. Well, I guess it is full of cows but they are of the kobe variety and are found underneath thick slabs of foie gras and port wine reductions- which is just how I like em'.

We stayed at the KimberModern, which was delightful and yes, modern. We were lucky to stay at such a rad place because Candice got really sick and we stayed there a little more than we had planned. I actually want to post more pics of the hotel but this post is already going to be unnecessarily long.

What's with Candice posing in egg chairs all the time?

Austin has got to be the airstream capital of the world. Pretty much anywhere you look, you'll see an airstream parked by the road. I can think of no better way to beautify a city but it gets better, they all serve amazing food for cheap a-- prices. We really did see kobe burgers for $7.00 add foie for an extra 2 bones. Just plain silly.

We got some 90 minute massages, shopped until we were stupid and ate like hedonists. You can't see the cupcakes in the box above but trust me, they were there if even for a second.

One cool place we ate at was a hotel called the Driskill. It's an old (1886) cattle baron mansion converted into a fancy hotel.

The food was fabulous and surprisingly low fat.

We also checked out the bats, the experience didn't disappoint. I think the bat colony consists of 1.4 million bats that writhe around in the sky like a black snake-it's amazing.

This pic sucks but you get the idea.

Late night stop to the haberdashery. We also checked out the local music scene on 6th (Austin the live music capital of the world), we were looking for some good rockabilly but couldn't find anything good until...

The weird museum

The unofficial slogan of Austin is "keep Austin weird," the weird museum fulfills this aspiration. You've got side-show spectacles to titillate any morbid curiosities you might have. They have mummys, two headed animals (we're talking taxidermy) and other delights like shrunken heads. The above picture is of real heads that have been shrunken and were once worn around the neck of a victorious Jivaro (an indigenous tribe found around Ecuador) warrior. It's an interesting process going from full size to softball size but I don't want to gross-out our more sensitive readers.

Went to San Antonio for Seaworld with Jonny, Kaylene and baby Laila.

Funnel cakes are manna sent to us from the spiritual realm-Jonny was speechless

If Jonny weren't such a bastion of strength and manliness, I'd easily take Laila for my own, she's my girl.

Yes, I am wearing a ducky baby sling. I'm comfortable with my masculinity. I also used to wear my moms pumps as a boy, what are you gonna do?

We loved Seaworld the whales, the roller coasters but especially the company. We love you guys! Great time. We then got some food on the river walk in downtown San Antonio. The river walk is one of the most charming places I've ever been in the world. Stone arches abound along with huge trees, wrought iron and little nooks with trickling fountains. It's unexpected and I simply love it.

The Alamo, who knew the west had buildings from the 18th century?

To be frank, I was kinda pissed when I found out there is no basement at the Alamo. Liars.

There is another thing you should do while in A-town and that's barton springs. Natural spring pool that has turtles and fish in it. The water is cool and refreshing.

The pasty white thing in the middle is me-not sure if you could tell.

As everyone knows you have to follow up any water activity with ice cream or in this case root beer floats.

Cruised by the capitol

Candice couldn't get in because of her guns, gotta check those next time

Finally, if you've gotten this far, you're patient and beautiful. The whole weekend we used the prius as our trusty steed. It's got more guts than I thought and we averaged like 45 miles per gallon all weekend. The exterior styling could be cooler but the interior is passable and fun.

Next trip New Orleans for Halloween. Muahahah...